It is pure illusion to think that an opinion that passes down from century to century, from generation to generation, may not be entirely false. ~ Pierre Bayle
In life, everyone must learn to break through the illusions. Illusion comes in many forms, shapes, and sizes. In our younger years, we take everything at face value. The past few generations have passed down the illusion of divorce, separation, isolation, abandonment, rejection, and fear is life giving to the family and the feminine and masculine in marriage.
I remember watching the movie, Fire Proof Your Marriage, in my Family Strategies class. These are some of my favorite lines I’ve found to be true in life in my personal experience. I’d like to share them with Millennials.
“The sad part about it is, when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only mean for the better.” ~ Michael Simmons.
The Illusion of society passed on the theory, it’s better to slice and dice everyone in our lives if they make mistakes through trial and error in a relationship. When things get hard, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, or financially hard, move on to the next woman or man instead of educating themselves, problem shooting, problem solving, and taking personal responsibility in their individual choices, thought patterns, emotional patterns, learning to make the right choices, and learning to take the right actions to improve their health and wellness. It’s been about the individual versus the whole unit of the family.
The Illusion of society passed on the theory, it’s better to blame, shame, and guilt the opposite sex into people pleasing through emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical manipulation to get what one wants from another individual. It’s been passed on to use and abuse and be destructive in communications and behaviors towards another individual.
Unconditional love is accepting the masculine and feminine where they’re temporarily at in the now. It is also understanding time delivers the truth and events turn for the better if two individuals work together as a team.
The natural process of growth and evolution is a constant movement forward in life. Everyone is growing, evolving, and educating themselves through movies, music, fiction, fantasy, literature, media, and the news.
Everyone is at a different point in life. Even the masculine and feminine will shift in different ways throughout time.
It’s easy to take the masculine and feminine at face value. Face value is only the surface. Two individuals can live together for many years, and never truly know their partners. They can live side by side like roommates, but never truly become intimate.
“How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over who constantly rejects me.” ~ Caleb Holt
This is the key problem in every relationship on the planet. When the masculine and feminine are focused on more than one individual at a time, they’re not showing up in the relationship.
Other feminine and masculine are a distraction. This becomes a divided heart.
It causes chaos and confusion in the mind and emotions.
Torn between two individuals.
For example, if you’re showing up for one masculine, you’re not showing up for the other masculine, simply because we’re wired in our minds to only focus on one thing at a time.
While we’d like to believe in the Illusion we can multi-task relationships, I encourage you to be observant in your thoughts, actions, and feelings when you’re talking to any person in the now.
Are you focused on your partner if you’re interacting with another individual? It doesn’t matter if it’s masculine or feminine.
Naturally when we’re caught up in the now with one individual, all others are non-existent.
Even if you’re sitting in an Internet Café, drinking a cup of coffee, you can focus so much on your conversation with another individual in texting, playing a video game, listening to music, working on a project, and get lost in the zone.
You can tune out everything in a certain radius and be laser focused on what you’re doing on the Internet. You can shut off the world and totally be oblivious to what another individual is saying to you.
You’ve probably had those moments when someone said something to you, but you didn’t hear them, they may even walk right by you, and you didn’t see them. In most cases when the feminine and masculine is merging with another individual other than their partner, they can’t see them, hear them, or feel them because they’re lost in the zone.
Introverts will stand back, observe, and take notes. They will notice everything in their surroundings with their partner. Introverts will withdraw and completely get bored with the whole thing when someone isn’t interested in them. They’ll wait around to be noticed.
Extroverts will get carried away in the noise, the glitter, the shine, laugh, get loud, keep talking, and they may not notice how their actions send the message they’re not invested and interested in their partner.
Most relationships are a combination of the Introvert and Extrovert.
This may happen in bars, night clubs, concerts, and festivals.
I’ve heard many women and men tell me they’ll stand and sit in the same room as their partner and watch them play video games for hours and hours and feel their partner isn’t interested in them.
I’ve heard many women and men tell me their partners are busy texting the opposite sex right in front of them and this also sends the message they’re not serious or invested in the relationship.
I’ve heard women and men both tell me their partners are addicted to drugs, alcoholism, gambling, sex, and they want to know if they’re partner will ever notice them and show up in life.
These are the illusions passed down generation to generation. The fall out of past generations who didn’t have the knowledge, resources, and education to choose life instead of death in relationships.
Today in 2017, there really isn’t any excuse for the masculine or feminine to not show-up in their relationships and choose life.
Generation X and Millennials have the education at their finger-tips to choose emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, sexual, and financial health. This is no longer the dark ages.
The children of the future deserve more than chaos, confusion, fear, rejection, and abandonment in the family and marriage.
Break the Ignorance of past Generations. Stand up to the plate and break the dysfunctional thinking, emotional, and mental patterns of the past.
Liberate future generations from the emotional and mental pain of being abandoned and rejected by their mothers and fathers. A family that stays together works as a team. Every player in the family is worthy of love, their spouses, parents, and children showing up in life.
The masculine and feminine as husbands and wives set the example of what a leader is in the family. Children are taught by their parents first to respect the opposite sex, how to communicate in positive or negative way, and whether they obtain ethics, values, and morals.
What kind of example do you want to set for your children?
“Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into, it will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you’re not investing in.”. ~ Cheryl Holt.
If you’re not invested in your relationship 100%, you’re return on investment is usually 50% or less depending on how much you’re participating in the relationship.
If you’re invested in someone else, and your partner knows it, this gives them the message, you’re not serious about being with them. Why should they invest their time, money, and energy in you if you’re focused and invested somewhere else?
“You never leave your partner! Especially in a fire.” ~ Caleb Holt.
In my experience as INFJ, I understand I’m more like an emotional and mental fire fighter. I know when people get caught in the chaos and confusion of the world, depression, and anxiety, this is the fire. When life is falling apart, the fire is blazing inside an individual, and they can’t breathe and find a reason to live.
In general Millennials will notice when the fire is blazing, the world around them is collapsing emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, sexually, and financially, in most cases everyone leaves the building, and leaves the Millennial in the fire.
This is the illusion passed on through the generations. When things get hard in relationships and someone is in emotional and mental pain, abandon the building, abandon ship, abandon the relationship and move on and leave the Millennial standing in the fire alone treading in the deep waters of emotion.
When you’re in a relationship, both the feminine and masculine must learn how to be the fire fighter. There are times when the feminine and masculine will lose their job, lose money, lose materialism, lose friends, lose family, lose an animal friend.
If one cannot count on their partner or trust them and be there, their kingdom will burn down to the ground.
When I was a nurse aide, I learned the Traditionalists counted on me to be there when they got in trouble. They depended on me to give them their medications, bathe them, feed them, give them something to drink, helping them up off the floor, call for help when they stopped breathing or when their life was in danger.
You’re partner depends on you to show up when there in danger. I’ve seen wives and husbands abandon their partners because they were physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically sick.
Nurse Aides like me stepped in and put out the emotional, mental, spiritual fire, because they were rejected, abandoned, and left behind.
The question to ask before you get married, is the individual worth your investment, your time, your energy, or your money? Will they just take off with your materialism, money, when life hits hard? What will you do?
Millennials could start asking the real questions of life, whether they want to put out the fires of the past generations, or keep lighting matches along the way and keep building more fires for future generations. Millennials know first-hand, they have enough fires to put out in our society.
Marriage is a long-term investment. It isn’t for the light hearted, it’s not easy, and someone is counting on the Millennial to lead the way out of the emotional, mental, spiritual, financial, and sexual fires that come through life.
There’s a reason King’s and Queen’s built a barrier of protection around their Castle. They didn’t want the thieves to come in and steal their materialism, finances, their home, their children, wives, and husbands.
They were protecting themselves and setting personal boundaries with those who wanted to destroy their kingdom and steal their health and wealth.
When the bow and arrow shot flames into their air, they landed in the Kingdom, the knights moved quickly to put out the fires. What will you do?